Can I Get A Taste Of Whatever He's Drinking?

Ok, So even if you're not a hockey fan, I'm sure you've heard of Wayne Gretzky, through one form of media or another. And, if you've even so much as left Sportscenter on for the show's duration, you've heard of Sidney Crosby. This means that you probably know that Crosby is supposed to be hockey's next big thing, almost as big as Gretzky and interestingly enough, tonight "The Kid" is making his debut in Vancouver against the Canucks.

This little factoid led me to this article by some dude named Cam Cole. Apparently Cam Cole is a fan of the ol' double entendre. Cam Cole is also apparently unable to correlate headlines with the actual article's subject matter.

I'm gonna leave the actual reading of the article up to you this time, but I'd like to extract a couple gems I found to be worth sharing. First and foremost, this headline is just amazing: "Vancouver finally gets taste of Sid the Kid"... quite frankly, I'm speechless. I think Cam might be a little too into hockey if you ask me.

Alright, back to the actual article. Let's do a little word count on the amount of times that "Vancouver" shows up... A quick ctrl+F tells us that there are 5 uses of Vancouver in the article itself. Amount of times article references Crosby debuting in Vancouver? Once. No, ladies and gentlemen, that is not the spanish once, for eleven. It is once, as in a single reference... that reference you ask? The title.

Another quick word search and count shows that this article has also used "curmudgeon" twice. I have to admit, I've never heard or read the word "curmudgeon" before, so I was completely at a loss as to what it meant. I don't know if I should curmudgeon Cole for using this word, or if he is a curmudgeon... I mean, what part of speech does it even belong too? Dictionary.com says that a curmudgeon is "a crusty irascible cantankerous old person full of stubborn ideas" And suddenly I know why Cam Cole would know this word. Regardless of all of that, I do know that the word curmudgeon has been used too many times in this article.

Despite leading us in with his kinky headline, manages to say "A curmudgeonly Edmonton scribe, Dick Chubey, and a young one named Cole..." Does it make him feel cool to reference himself in the third person like that? Sounds a little pretentious there Mr. Curmudgeon Cole.

The article goes on to talk about Crosby missing some exhibition games and "hot-dogging" it. But I guess he's too much of a curmudgeon to relate to being a teenager with all of the talent in the world. Much the same as Andruw Jones used to try to be fancy making catches as a 19 year old rookie, and countless others try to show off their seemingly limitless talent. Not everbody has the maturity of a canadian hockey beat writer with the inability to write articles with a logical progression.

Anyways this article references former Colorado Rockies (hockey, not baseball) coach Don Cherry and his "public spanking", unhealed wounds and basically a ton of stuff that has nothing to do with Crosby debuting in Vancouver.

To Recap:

Crosby Debut in Vancouver references : 0
Amount of Sense this Article Makes Regarding Said Topic: 0
Amount of People that Care about Hockey enough to read this pointless article: 0
Amount of Times I used the word curmudgeon: 10

Take that Cole, and your curmudgeonly Canada-speak!